What You Missed That Day You Were Absent from Fourth Grade
by Brad Aaron Modlin

Mrs. Nelson explained how to stand still and listen
to the wind, how to find meaning in pumping gas,

how peeling potatoes can be a form of prayer. She took 
questions on how not to feel lost in the dark.

After lunch she distributed worksheets
that covered ways to remember your grandfather’s

voice. Then the class discussed falling asleep
without feeling you had forgotten to do something else—

something important—and how to believe
the house you wake in is your home. This prompted

Mrs. Nelson to draw a chalkboard diagram detailing
how to chant the Psalms during cigarette breaks,

and how not to squirm for sound when your own thoughts
are all you hear; also, that you have enough.

The English lesson was that I am
is a complete sentence.

And just before the afternoon bell, she made the math equation look easy.
The one that proves that hundreds of questions,

and feeling cold, and all those nights spent looking
for whatever it was you lost, and one person

add up to something.

High recommendation to contact the Rosewood Family Center if you qualify. They have 2 offices but it’s believed that the Gateway office is where the vaccine clinic is.

phone number 5 0 3 – 7 7 2 – 4 3 3 5
Clinic: 135 NE 102nd

Some folks have had a good experience using the website for OHSU. Appointments come up on the website at 9am Mondays and Thursdays; just keep refreshing: https://www.ohsu.edu/health/covid-19-vaccines-information-and-appointments#section-1319536

Safeway: some folks are having good luck selecting pharmacies in Salem
https://www.mhealthappointments.com/covidappt

No one has tried yet, but we did see that Costco pharmacies (https://www.costco.com/covid-vaccine.html) and Walgreens pharmacies (https://www.walgreens.com/findcare/vaccination/covid-19) are worth trying.

of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

From: American Primitive
Copyright ©:  Mary Oliver

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

by W. H. Audens

Since April 2020 I’ve received many questions about payment, concerns about my financial well-being, and concern that I’m not well compensated for the value I provide. Some folks have even inquired as to the possibility of their insurance benefits, like Silver & Fit, might be directed to me personally.

First and foremost, thank you all for your compassion and concern. Please do know that I am not in financial straits due to the closure of Portland Parks & Recreation Community Centers. While my career was upended on March 13, 2020, my wife continues to enjoy her career as a software engineer for a large company who provide network infrastructure for the world. We enjoy the relative security this offers us, including fairly generous benefits. 

Because of this great privilege, I am able to offer online classes for a suggested donation price. Not all yoga teachers/therapists are able to do this, but I am. My wife and I made this decision together and it was not made lightly. 

The suggested contribution for my online classes, Yoga in Chairs and Yoga for Vitality, is $2.50 per 75-minute class.

Special, First Saturday Sessions, Yoga for Grief, Healing Our Relationship with Our Bodies, or Yoga Nidra, suggested contribution is $5-$25.

Private Yoga Instruction: $25-$75 per person, per hour, suggested contribution.

Integrated Movement Therapy Session: $50-$120 per person, per hour, suggested contribtion.

How to pay me:

• PayPal
• Venmo
• Send a check made out to “Samatha Yoga” (check the spelling!) to
  Sherri Koehler/Samatha Yoga
  P.O. Box 80156
  Portland, OR 97219

However, if for any reason at all the price is too dear for you at this time, or at any time, just come. For private sessions, reach out to discuss my sliding scale, don’t assume I will turn away anyone who really needs assistance.

The thing is, teaching classes and working with clients is as much about providing a service to a community I care deeply for, as it is a tool for supporting my mental health. I live with Complex PTSD (Complex Trauma), which means I’m always managing anxiety and am often managing depression as well. Connecting in community to teach is one of my most important tools. It turns out that it is even MORE important during a pandemic!

Come to class. Just come.

Bringing your energy and intention to share with us is payment!

Email me a photograph of flowers in your garden as payment!

Send a paper note to my address above as a payment. I truly treasure and save notes from my students to read when I feeling despair for the world.

What is Kirtan?

Kirtan is a form of both meditation and devotional, Bhakti Yoga, practice. It is done through chanting mantra (Sanskrit: “mind tool”) to bring focus to the mind, both soothe our energetic system while giving a boost to energy, and can also be a practice of devotion to the Divine. A singer, or group of singers, will share a philosophical discourse, an act of communal praise, or even tell a legend together.

A person leads, a kirtankara (or kirtankar), and the community, the Sangha, sings the words back. These gatherings often will include one ore more musical instruments as well as the community of singers.

The Chants

Chanting is done call in response, the Leader chanting a line once, then the community chanting it back once. The Leader repeats the same line once, the community repeats it back. Then the Leader repeats that same set of lines over again. There may be a second “verse” or a new tune to accompany the words.

You’ll find a translation to each chant, the words, with the Leader’s lines in boldface type and the community’s lines in regular typeface. A guide to phonetic pronunciation is in Italic typeface.

Ganesh Mantra

Translation: *Ganesh, Essence of Consciousness, hail Ganesh, Essence of Consciousness.
Ganesh. Ganesh.

*Ganapati is a familiar, sweet way of saying Ganesh’s name.

Ganapati Om Jaya Ganapati Om (2x)
Ganapati Om Jaya Ganapati Om

gah-Nah-PAH-tee OHM Jai-YAH gah-Nah-PAH-tee OHM

Ganapati Ganapati (2x)
Ganapati Ganapati

Gah-Nah-PAH-TEE-EE gah-Nah-pah-tee

Shiva Mantra

Translation: Shiva, Shiva, Shiva, *Shiva, Shiva, Shiva, Shiva, Shiva.
Great Deity, Shiva. Great Deity, Shiva.

*Shambo is another, sweet way of sayingShiva’s name.

Shiva Shiva Shiva Shambo Shiva Shiva Shiva Shambo (2x)
Shiva Shiva Shambo Shiva Shiva Shambo

She-vah She-vah She-vah Shahm-Boh-Oh She-vah She-vah She-vah Sham-BOH

Maha Deva Shambo (2x)
Maha Deva Shambo

Mah-Ha Day-vah Shahm-Boh-Oh Mah-ha day-vah Shahm-boh

Divine Mother Mantra

Translation: Oh *Mother, Protect Me/Us.
Oh Mother, Defend Me/Us.

*Mother indicating Divine Feminine Energy.

O Ma Pahimam, O Ma Rakshamam (2x)
O Ma Pahimam, O Ma Rakshamam

Oh Mah Pah-hee-Mahm Oh Mah-Ah Rak-shah-mahm
Oh Mah Pah-hee-Mahm Oh Mah-Ah Rak-shah-mahm

O Ma Pahimam, O Ma Rakshamam (2x)
O Ma Pahimam, O Ma Rakshamam

Oh Mah Pah-hee-Mahm Oh Mah-Ah Rak-shah-mahm
Oh Mah Pah-hee-Mahm Oh Mah-Ah Rak-shah-mahm

In the Upajjhatthana Sutta  the Buddha reflected upon what he called the Five Remembrances. He reminded us that we cannot escape old age, we cannot escape illness, we cannot escape loss, and we cannot escape death. The only thing we can control is our actions, our thoughts and deeds. It can be seen as very heavy stuff, but is a clarion call to live fully because nothing lasts.

Then along comes the Bṛhadāraṇyaka Upaniṣad, it takes all of this and, doesn’t dismiss it, but tells us that in the midst of unrelenting change we are always whole.   

पूर्णमदः पूर्णमिदं पूर्णात्पूर्णमुदच्यते ।
पूर्णस्य पूर्णमादाय पूर्णमेवावशिष्यते ॥

The Pūrṇam Mantra arises out of this teaching of the Bṛhadāraṇyaka Upaniṣad and is one of what are collectively known as the Shanti Mantras, or Peace Mantras. Mantra like these are chanted before and after the study and discourse, plus at other times, to calm and focus the mind. The Pūrṇam Mantra is chanted before reading the Bṛhadāraṇyaka Upaniṣad and the Isha Upanisad.

Translation: The version I learned during my training in Integrated Movement Therapy (IMT) is my favorite. Stephanie Sisson is the translator, she helped create IMT with Molly Kenny. 

This is whole.
That is whole.
When you take whole from whole
That which remains is whole.
Om. Peace, peace, peace.

Using the Mantra 

Chanting is not only an excellent tool for improving the strength and capacity of our lungs, it also brings focus and calm to an agitated mind. Further, it is a reminder, again and again, that in the midst of change you are still whole.

You can chant it multiple times, closing with the final line on your last chant through.

Sanskrit Mantra in the Latin alphabet (“English”): 

Pūrṇamadaḥ pūrṇamidam
pūrṇāt pūrṇamudacyate
pūrṇasya pūrṇamādāya
pūrṇamevāvaśiṣyate
oṃ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ

Mantra with phonetic pronunciation:

poornam-adah poornam-i-dahm
poorn-aat poornam-uda-chya-te
poor-na-sya poornam-ah-da-ya
poornam-evaa va-shi-shya-te
Om shaantih shaantih shaantih-i

Today I launched a Resources page here on the site! To start with, you’ll find the worksheet I created for a local chapter of the Better Breathers Club. As I finish projects up, I’ll be posting them here. Right now I’m working on a Quick Start Guide for meditation and I’m co-creating a card to help people learn the Purnam Mantra!

Of course the way to find out about things first is to join my email list!

As I shared at the close of last year, I’ve not been as active with posts or newsletters while going through intense trauma therapy. That is ongoing, continues to be hard and worthy work. This month I decided to restart my personal blog to have a place to process that work, as opposed to sharing via social media accounts.

they are acrobats
in the freezing wind.
And now, in the theater of air,
they swing over buildings,

dipping and rising;
they float like one stippled star
that opens,
becomes for a moment fragmented,

then closes again;
and you watch
and you try
but you simply can’t imagine

how they do it
with no articulated instruction, no pause,
only the silent confirmation
that they are this notable thing,

this wheel of many parts, that can rise and spin
over and over again,
full of gorgeous life.

Ah, world, what lessons you prepare for us,
even in the leafless winter,
even in the ashy city.
I am thinking now
of grief, and of getting past it;

I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard. I want

to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to be light and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.

From:  Owls and Other Fantasies: Poems and Essays 
Copyright ©:  Mary Oliver

I’ve been on a journey to heal and integrate everything last year’s trip of miracles and wonders awoke in me.

Healing from Complex Trauma is a journey, one that takes more time and goes in a meandering path that’s filled dead-ends and wrong turns. Yoga is my “multitool” on this journey. It not only keeps me on the path, but it gives me ways to shift my energy, soothe my anxiety, grow my self-understanding, and expand my ability to connect with others.

Last December I had the privilege and honor to train with Molly Lannon Kenny to offer Bedside Yoga for people at the end of life. Many people contributed to my online campaign to make it possible for me to go. I even had a little surplus that I was able to use this autumn to spend a few days in contemplative retreat with my community.

I was absolutely astounded my campaign was successful. I was immediately, profoundly connected to my struggle to see myself as worthy. Grateful and amazed, I experienced cognitive dissonance as the deeply held belief that I’m not worthy conflicted with the very tangible reality that many people find me worthy enough to make a financial commitment to my training!

I continued to struggle into spring, my anxiety beginning to creep back up. It culminated in a decision, made with my therapist, to go back into intensive trauma therapy; the work I’d done a few years ago seemed to be coming apart at the seams. In June I started doing Somatic Attachment-Focused EMDR, the SAFE model aims to help adults who have experience complex trauma. Using this approach we first identified that I have a deeply rooted false belief about myself that ultimately undermines me as an adult.

It isn’t an easy process. We go back to the earliest memories I have associated with my false belief and we work with them until they’re no longer triggering the false belief. Then we move to the next one. In the past 7 months we’ve installed 2 memories; these first ones are uncovering new experiences for me to integrate.

I’ve also been taking in the knowledge that my Mother more than likely had a personality disorder; something that happened because she herself had complex trauma. I’m realizing how intergenerational trauma undermines everything and everyone it touches. I understand that I needed to remove myself completely from my family to heal.

There’s been changes in my teaching schedule this year; I’m teaching fewer classes now. I’ve been using the additional time for healing and creating the foundation for the work I want to do with end-of-life care.

In the new year I’m looking forward to expanding my video offerings, including plans to improve my lighting! I’ll have more blog posts too, but look for more videos and a YouTube channel in the new year! If you haven’t yet, join my mailing list right here!